The Monkey Cage The Monkey Cage

Today's February 9th, 1964 

Today's blog is dedicated to the memory of Anna Nicole Smith. I fucked her to death.
At a friend's house in her bathroom was a can of spray called "After The Rain" - I was thinking a better name for it would be "After The Shit"
If I were an old west prospecter 49'er dude, when I went off to work in the morning I'd kiss my wife goodbye and end up down at the Dusty Boot, sippin' whiskey all day and fucking skanky horny-but-ugly bar whores, then I'd go home and say to my wife "I found nothing" - and have her rub my feet - because my dogs are SORE from working that dad-blasted mine all day.
When the Monkey was a kid, I'd sometimes snag a quarter out of the collection plate as it went around the church and use it to help me buy cigarettes or weed. Now I know this was very, VERY wrong - because chances are the quarter really was put in there by my brother a few seats down. Sorry brother.



Today's blog is dedicated to the yummy Aishwarya Rai of India. The Monkey would drink her bath water.
It may SEEM like a good idea, but it's NOT a good idea to pull down that baby-changing station thingy in the ladie's room to take a nappy-nappy at Sears. People get down-right upset about that.
So this brother asked me if he could hold five dollars - I said no problem - and then he TOOK the money!
If I were that Jesus Christ guy with his connections when new hot chicks showed up in Heaven I'd be like - "I know my Dad says you can on the right side, but he's not around and I swear I'll let you into Heaven if you sit on my face for a moment"?
I think if I were ever going to prison for a long time, just for the hell of it I'd see if I could smuggle in a turd - up my ass - to see if they'd catch me in the search, and if I made it inside I'd tell my cell mates - "I smuggled in some really good shit"


A sign of life 

Today's tiny sign-of-life blog is dedicated to YOU
I think it would suck if you were a doctor talking to a patient and you accidently said "...it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.." and then realized the patient you were speaking to had his eye gouged out with a sharp stick.
I think it would suck if you were an old west pioneer headed across the plains and you were getting a nice hot blowjob by your snaggle-toothed bonnet-wearing pioneer wife and that stupid guy "Hoss" you let drive the wagon train hits one of those confounded bumps!


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